Today I ran 10KM and then cried like a baby

 
I can remember when I couldn’t run 100 meters.  During chemo – I couldn’t even complete Wii Fit exercises.  But earlier this year I joined a running club (www.zeitfuersport.com) and today I ran 10KM in 1 hour 11 minutes (www.jogandrock.com).  It’s not my best time – my best time is 1 hour 8 minutes.  But hell, it was GREAT and I feel great and I ran with some dear friends (see pictures).

But I vaguely remembered for the first time that today that I had had cancer and what I had achieved was indeed a really big deal.  As I crossed the finishing line as everyone else smiled and cheered – I could only cry.

 
I mean my run was hardly a fascinating triumph of glory – but I didn’t care.  I couldn’t top myself as the tears poured down.  Now, a few hours later I am just embarrassed about it.  But its OK.  I haven’t cried about cancer for a long time.

I remember I had it – my two year diagnosis anniversary is around the corner – but yikes.  I have been refusing to remember.  I just want to move on now and get on with my life.  But you know what; cancer is something you can’t forget or put behind you.  You can move forward – but if you forget you get complacent.

 

I don’t want to be complacent for the rest of my life –but I am so proud of myself.

Here are some pictures.  Thanks to Christine Suck for running with me – Antonio – (www.visitanyplace.com ) for being a great trainer, Svetlana, Birgi and Martina – for making it a great race.

Comments

[Nancy Freiday]

Congratulations Bena! You are an inspiration.

I had a mastectomy Sept 2 and got the pathology last week and my doctor updated the diagnosis to invasive metaplastic breast cancer (as well as Paget's).

I am 56 and ran a half marathon in Feb and one in Mar. I walk alot right now (still have drains in place) and will look forward to returning to running whenever I can.

The lack of history for the medical profession with this disease is scary but it is what it is.

Keep going Bena!

[bena roberts]

Thank you Nancy - super congratulations on being 56 and being so fit. Please think Mind over matter with your cancer and focus on it like winning a race. There will be hills and hurdles but you can do it. Keep walking and make sure you detox after chemo too.

Love Bena

[Patty Reinders]

Non complacent Bena,
Hurray for you ...for the run and for the cry.
I discovered my lump on May 1st 2009. I had chemotherapy that summer and surgery on October 1st. I discovered your blog soon after and have been checking it ever since. When I google search metaplastic breast cancer, you are always near the top of the list. Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience. There is a sisterhood that is created by this shared experience that I am very thankful for.
The United States was my home until recently. I am now outside of Frankfurt and I may try to see some of your doctors. Thank you for listing them.
Your "sister",
Patty Reinders

[bena roberts]

Hi Patty - lovely to meet you! Where are you in Frankfurt - would love to meet up with you. Carin is also an MBC and she is in Rhein Main. You really should visit some of my doctors - please keep in touch, Bena

[Patty Reinders]

Bena,

I would very much like to meet you and Carin. Our home is in Kronberg im Taunus, not far from Frankfurt.

Patty Reinders